CHILI CON CARNE FOR THE OFFICE WORKER'S SOUL

20 SAYINGS WE'D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS

1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings ... they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos ... then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done.  Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10.  TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11.  The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12.  Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
13.  We waste time, so you don't have to.
14.  Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
15.  Go the extra mile.  It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
16.  A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
17.  When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
18.  INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
19.  Succeed in spite of management.
20.  Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.


THINGS TO DO ON AN ELEVATOR

- Push the buttons & pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
- Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
- Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
- Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend.  After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
- Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
- Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
- Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
- Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.
- Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.
- Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
- Ask, "Did you feel that?"
- When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay.  Don't panic, they open up again."
- Swat at flies that don't exist.
- Tell people that you can see their aura.
- Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
- Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
- Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on."
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk & announce to the other passengers, "This is my personal space."